These horrific words were said to me by my doctor last week, Wednesday to be exact.
At first I was like, ok....what do we need to do? A CT scan was the first order of business. Got that set up for last Friday morning. I leave the doctor office headed back to work and I call my older sister, asking her if we have a history of kidney cancer in our family. Come to find out my nephew, her son, had had it two years prior and had a part of his kidney removed because they caught it in stage 1. She says to me, 'don't be upset, everything will be ok'. I'm like 'well...it's a little bit late for that'. Now I'm upset.
So I get back to work, sitting at my computer and my old boss comes in and I'm in tears. She asks me what's wrong. I tell her. She asks me why he didn't give me an antibiotic to see if it's a urinary tract infection. I'm like 'you're asking me??' Apparently he had some kind of indication to give him the conclusion that he came to. So I call the office and talk to his nurse and she says that I've had blood in my urine since November and it's been the same constant. If it was a UTI then it would be getting worse.
I have been giving my blood and urine regular like in the last 3 weeks. I actually went in November to him for a wellness check up (isn't that how it all starts??) and he did a urinalysis then and that's when blood showed up in my urine. So I've had the blood in the urine since then and he neglected to tell me this. I have to hear it from his nurse.
Ok, so Friday comes along and I go for the CT scan. This one is without contrast, which is the dye that goes in your body for everything to show up better in the scan. So I get done, go in the waiting room for them to look at it and then let me go. I wait, and wait, and wait. 10 minutes rocks on by, they take a few more people and I'm like hey...can I go now?? No, he's looking at it now. Ok. So then another 4 or 5 minutes goes by and one of the girls comes back to get me and says we need to do another one with contrast, he thinks he saw something in your liver. MY LIVER!!!???
Ok, now I really am upset. Have you ever had the contrast?? Holy cow....when it hits your veins and both sides of your neck gets hot and then it hits your groin area and that gets hot.....it's unreal. I didn't like it.
I had filled out some paperwork and one of the questions was 'did I have my gall bladder removed?' I didn't check it, I still have my gall bladder. She comes in and asks 'did you have your gall bladder out?' I tell her no. WTH is going on here????
I get done and they tell me I can go, just like that. The doc will get in touch with me either the end of day today or Monday at the latest.
So of course.......no call Friday. I am very upset. Now I have to go through the whole weekend wondering how long I have to live. Right?? I am one to always think the worst. Been that way my whole life. And it has it's benefit when you get word that it's really not as bad as you thought. But it can turn on you too and be spot on, ya know?
I'm already in pain from my lower back so any pain(s) that I have are freaking me out more. And I have more pain, though half of them I wonder if they are a figment of my imagination. I hardly slept all weekend. By Monday morning I am almost a zombie because of no sleep and worry. I didn't tell very many people because I don't know what the verdict is going to be. Yea, I thought of it that way......if I did have kidney cancer - renal cell carcinoma as it's known as - and I had stage 3 or 4, the chances of survival are not very good for those stages. Believe me, I was scouring my computer Friday night until my eyes were so gritty that I couldn't see anymore and went and laid my head down only to lay there most of the night.
So yea, Monday morning rolls around and I can't wait. I call the doctor's office and leave a message. By noon I don't hear anything so I make an appt. for 7:45 this morning. Yea.......now I have to pay a co-pay to find out my test results. Sux to be me huh??? Well one of the girls from his office called me just after I left work and he wants to fax me something and talk to me on the phone. I told her that I had already left work and that I had made an appt to come see him in the morning. She says ok.
I am always an early bird. I was there a half hour before appt time. I, of course, take my crochet, my fingers were working furiously. I finally get back in a room but they had called 3 other guys with me. Well don't you know they were all ahead of me. So I had to sit in that room. I got a lot done on the piece I was working on while waiting. (A bag bunny for my daughter - pics to come later)
FINALLY he comes in. After all this - I have two kidney stones and a gall stone and my gall bladder is moderately sludged. Meaning it's not flowing freely. So I'm going to have to deal with having my gall bladder out at some point in the near future but it's not a dire emergency at the moment.
I have to tell you that I am so relieved but I'm rather po'd at him because of all the drama surrounding this. His initial announcement of 'I'm going to come right out and say it, I think you have a kidney tumor' should have been tabled to something way less damaging to me and my imagination.........ok?? But in his defense he did say that it could be kidney stones that have been there for years. But I was like 'well I've never had a problem with them before and none of my family has either'.
I truly thought life was getting ready to be real short for me. The thoughts in my head since last Wednesday have run the gammet. It made me look at things differently. But that's why I've been quiet.
I hope none of you ever has to endure what I have in less than a week. It was not fun. Thankfully I am not as bad off as I imagined myself to be. I'll be around for a little while longer - Good Lord Willing and The Creek Don't Rise!! :o) I can smile now.
Ok on a quick short crochet note - I started some more hexes of persimmon and light peach. I finished the two skeins I had and had to get more. I can't wait til this blanky is done. Not sure where it's home will end up being but it should be pretty when done. Ya think?
I hope your day is filled with love and light.